Timeless Ties: Reconnecting with the Echoes of Friendship

There’s a peculiar magic in reconnecting with someone you haven’t spoken to in ages. It’s as if time takes a backseat, and the gap between conversations feels nonexistent. Those moments are a testament to the timeless bonds we share with certain people, the ones who effortlessly make us feel at ease.

Today, I was fortunate enough to experience one of those moments. As we caught up, it struck me how seamlessly we fell back into sync, as though we’d never missed a beat. It sparked reflections on life’s blessings and the profound gratitude I hold for the people who enrich my journey.

Timeless Ties- Reconnecting with the Echoes of Friendship

Finding someone who resonates with you on multiple levels is a rare treasure. It’s like discovering an oasis in the desert of life, a refreshing reminder of the profound connections we’re capable of forging.

It had been a few weeks since I caught up or wrote. Life, as always, was like a roller coaster ride, with its inevitable ups and downs. Sometimes, those downs felt like ups, and vice versa.

Recently, I found myself at a wake for the father of an old friend. As I entered the somber room, my eyes were drawn to the array of photographs capturing moments from his life. Each picture told a story of smiles, love, and cherished memories shared with his family.

I stepped into line to greet the family, my heart pounding with anticipation. It had been years since I last saw them, and the thought of reuniting with my friend and seeing his sister who I am sure wouldn’t recognize me and his daughter, now all grown up, filled me with a mix of excitement and nostalgia.

Finally, it was my turn to approach my friend. As I looked into his eyes, I could see the disbelief mingled with gratitude. He never expected me to be there, but how could I have missed this celebration of his dad’s life? With watery eyes, he thanked me and pulled me in for a hug. It wasn’t just a hug of appreciation; it was a hug of recognition—a silent acknowledgment of the enduring bond between old friends. I couldn’t help but reflect on the people who leave indelible marks on our lives, no matter how much time has passed.

Reflecting on my childhood, I fondly remember the countless hours spent with my friend, our camaraderie defining those carefree days. Among these memories, one particularly humorous yet poignant incident stands out. Like most children, we had our disagreements, and on one occasion, our squabble led to detention—a common consequence in our youthful escapades.

However, what followed was a moment of unexpected advocacy. I can’t quite recall whether it was my mother or his who came to our rescue, but her words left a lasting impression. She argued that punishing us for a trivial childhood spat was excessive, emphasizing that such conflicts were natural among friends and nothing more than fleeting upsets. Her defense not only freed us from our short-lived punishment but also reinforced the idea that these minor tiffs were just part of growing up—lessons in friendship and forgiveness.

Anyways, Seeing his mom after all these years was an incredible experience. She hadn’t changed a bit – still the same amazing woman he remembered from childhood. Her smile, her laughter, and her pure caring attitude were just as vivid as ever.

As I prepared to leave, my eyes caught sight of his dad’s motorcycle vest, proudly displayed in a frame. I couldn’t help but stop and stare at it. The vest was weathered, adorned with an array of pins and buttons accumulated over the years. Each pin seemed to tell a story – a tale of different places, interests, and moments that had shaped his life. It was like a visual journey through his experiences.

As I examined each pin, I couldn’t help but marvel at the richness of his life’s tapestry. It was evident that each pin held significance, representing a chapter in his story.

Turning towards the door, I paused and glanced back at the room filled with people whose lives had been touched by him. It was a poignant moment, realizing the impact he had made on so many lives. Truly, his legacy was nothing short of remarkable.

As I reflect on this moment, I can’t help but hope that when my time to depart this earth arrives, I leave behind a similar impact on those whose paths I’ve crossed in life. It’s a humble aspiration, yet one that speaks to the profound desire to touch hearts and souls in the same way others have touched mine.

As I reflect on my journey through life, one truth becomes undeniably clear: the enduring nature of true friendships. Even as years turn into decades, the bonds I formed with some of my dearest friends remain unshaken. Time and distance are mere illusions against the shared memories and the unspoken promises to support each other, without seeking recognition. These connections, forged perhaps thirty years ago, have withstood the test of time, proving that real friendship is a support system built on mutual respect and deep emotional ties.

In memory of my dear friends Father

When The Music Stopped

When The Music Stopped – I have written this so many times, as you can imagine it has had many versions. The toughest part is how to start this as there is so much I want to say and probably needs to be said and how the music stopped!  As I write these words, my heart is swayed by a mix of reminiscence and rue. Thinking back on our shared times, it’s clear this chapter in our book has long been sealed, yet so much of my everyday life carries the imprint of our shared history.

I’m navigating a complex array of emotions that sprout from a life once intertwined now forking into separate paths. This is more than reflection; it’s an acknowledgment of the rich mosaic of experiences we crafted together, the lessons gleaned, and the deep respect I hold for you, the mother of our children.

Our marriage was a journey of highs and lows, adorned with moments of sheer joy and shadowed by tests of our strength and character. Every hurdle we faced was a brick in the foundation of our life together. For every disagreement, there was a moment of connection, a shared dream that propelled us forward.

In a quest for a companion, someone resilient and insightful, fate led me to you. Remember the woman in the oversized oxford, hair up and down, clutching a Great One Coffee from Dunkin Donuts heading out of the elevator like the Tasmanian devil! Little did I know she would be my best friend the one I’d build a family and have my back.

You’ve embodied strength in every role you’ve taken—partner, confidante, and especially as a mother. Your laughter and tears have been my solace. Your guidance, advice, and support have been invaluable. Our time together—a blend of quiet evenings filled with understanding and stormy nights marked by silence—has profoundly shaped me. Though our paths have diverged, the journey we shared profoundly influences who I am today. I’m grateful for every joy, every challenge, for they have all spurred growth.

“Thank you for your consistent friendship and love, thank you for being my best friend and being a support system even after these years have passed. Thank you for your sarcastic comments and words, I know that is your way to protect yourself but I won’t tell anyone.”

As I move through life, connected yet apart, bound by our children, I carry some regrets—moments when I could have been kinder, listened more, or paused instead of pushing on. Yet, overwhelming gratitude fills these reflections, gratitude for the chance to share such a pivotal chapter of life with someone as extraordinary as you. I recognize now that I could have been more attuned to your needs instead of trying to manage everything alone. My desire to be the best husband, a romantic partner, a selfless provider, and an exceptional father was all for you. Though not perfect, my love for you was boundless.

Seeing you thrive independently, with the same resilience you’ve always shown, fills me with pride. Our shared history—a tapestry of joy, sorrow, triumphs, and setbacks—continues to influence my actions and shape my perspectives. While our parenting styles differ, our children have always been our priority. As we continue to navigate this dynamic and co parent we will certainly make mistakes, get on each other’s nerves but in the end I know it is all in the best interested to those girls of ours.

Our story, now branching in different directions, remains one of the foundation of my identity. I am thankful for all we’ve experienced, shared, and even lost. As we move forward, separately but forever connected, I hope we continue to find joy, learn from our past, and treasure the moments of connection that still shine through the everyday.

As new chapters unfold, I hope the respect and love that started our journey continue to underline our paths. In these paths lies the legacy of what we’ve built, reflected in the lives and smiles of our children.

Thank you for being my best friend and the mother of our wonderful children.

Stick the the Objective Not Subjective

One important aspect of prioritizing your mental health is acknowledging your struggles, especially when you feel a sense of self-doubt or are made to feel as though you’re at fault. However, through the process of therapy or counseling, you may come to realize that these feelings are unfounded. Instead, you gain clarity and understanding, affirming that you are not in the wrong.

In the voyage of life, there are moments when intuition guides our path more than logic does. While following one’s heart can often lead to remarkable discoveries, there are instances where the stark realities of life demand a more pragmatic approach. It’s during these moments of clarity that we realize the magnitude of our emotions, understanding that sometimes our hearts, with their boundless compassion, can obscure the clarity we need to navigate life’s complexities. In this domain, I have been counseled to adopt a stance of observation, attentive listening, and keen awareness of their responses. It is imperative to discern their priorities and perspectives on a given situation. Is their concern legitimate? Is it conducive to resolving the issue at hand, or does it serve merely as a means to initiate contention or assert a viewpoint? Over time, I have come to understand that if a topic does not contribute positively to the conversation, it is best to refrain from engaging with it.

Your Feelings Do not matter – The Journey Through My Eyes

Throughout my personal journey, I have devoted considerable effort to self-improvement and acquiring knowledge, striving to cultivate traits such as understanding, compassion, strength, and above all, stability. This endeavor has been solely for my own benefit, driven by a desire for personal growth and fulfillment. However, amidst this journey, I have encountered a particular challenge—one deeply rooted in my upbringing. It pertains to navigating situations influenced by emotions, whether my own or those of others. This challenge brings to light the rhetorical strategy known as appeal to emotion, or argumentum ad passiones, which represents an informal fallacy characterized by the intentional manipulation of the recipient’s emotions to influence an argument, often in the absence of factual evidence. Feelings are subjective. Prove me wrong.

Anything Objective Sticks To Facts – Anything Subjective Are Feelings

I anticipate encountering criticism for this perspective. I can already anticipate objections such as “Invalidating someone’s feelings is unacceptable,” or “That’s gaslighting,” or perhaps even accusations of lacking empathy or being narcissistic. If you’ve entertained any of these thoughts, this message is specifically addressed to you. While acknowledging and validating emotions is crucial, it’s essential to recognize that they don’t alter the objective reality of a situation. So, I will let you gather your thought and stop crying and get back to reality, are you ready? Let’s continue!

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where someone asserts, “these are my feelings”? While it’s crucial to acknowledge and empathize with their emotions, it’s important to recognize that feelings, while valid, do not necessarily dictate the facts or outcomes of a situation. Continuing to navigate life solely guided by emotions may result in stagnation, hindering progress and achievement. Conversely, engaging in objective discourse entails examining the factual basis of situations, often uncovering the role emotions play in shaping outcomes.

In any conversation, acknowledging and validating someone’s feelings is crucial, but it’s equally important to remain attentive to their reactions. As I’ve mentioned previously, active listening and observation are key. It’s not uncommon for individuals to persist in a conversation if they feel their emotions haven’t been acknowledged. However, it’s important to recognize that validating someone’s feelings to their needs is their responsibility, not yours. While you can acknowledge and understand their perspective, subjective discussions may not always be relevant to the objectives at hand.

Discuss Fact Over Feelings

In the intricate dance of human relationships, we’ve all found ourselves entangled in the web of subjective feelings. Whether it’s within the realm of romance, friendship, family, or the workplace, navigating the delicate balance between emotions and facts can prove to be a challenging feat.

In our current societal landscape, the prevailing sentiment often equates being offended with being justified. However, the presence of facts remains unwavering, regardless of the introduction of personal feelings into the discourse. Manipulation frequently emerges as a central driving force behind such dynamics, often rooted in feelings of exclusion, perceived unfairness, or a sense of disadvantage. These themes represent just a few of the common angles prevalent in today’s world.

Too often, conversations steeped solely in subjective feelings lead to misunderstandings, hurt sentiments, and unresolved conflicts. It’s akin to traversing through a foggy landscape without a compass – directionless and prone to missteps. The key to fostering healthy relationships lies in integrating subjective feelings with objective facts. Emotions provide invaluable insight into our innermost thoughts and desires, but they must be anchored in the solid ground of facts to pave the way for meaningful dialogue and resolution. By acknowledging and addressing the facts of an issue, we lay the foundation for constructive communication and mutual understanding. This approach fosters trust, promotes empathy, and strengthens the bonds that hold relationships together.

Facts Don’t Care About Your Feelings

Throughout my personal journey of prioritizing my health and well-being, I have come to embrace a mindset that prioritizes clarity and objectivity. I’ve learned to value straightforward communication that is grounded in reason and evidence rather than subjective interpretations or emotional responses.

In this pursuit, I’ve adopted a mantra: ” Fuck your feelings and tell me why and tell me how come.” This ethos emphasizes the importance of providing logical explanations and factual evidence rather than relying on ambiguous or emotionally-driven arguments. I firmly believe that transparency and rational discourse are essential for fostering understanding and resolving conflicts effectively.

During a recent session, I was prompted to reflect on whether I felt my intelligence was being insulted. Rather than interpreting this as a mere emotional response, I recognized it as a discernment of potential manipulation at play. Having encountered such tactics in the past, I am vigilant against allowing myself to be misled or manipulated by subjective influences.

In essence, my commitment to prioritizing clarity and objectivity has empowered me to navigate life’s challenges with a steadfast focus on truth and reason. I refuse to be swayed by subjective opinions or emotional appeals, instead opting to seek out genuine understanding and meaningful discourse in all aspects of my life.

Remember “God will put you back together in front of those who broke you”

Sorry I Let You Down

Did the title of this article catch your attention? It certainly caught mine! This piece may present a bit of a challenge to follow. Crafting this particular passage required considerable effort and involved delving deep into its complexities, peeling back numerous layers to convey the intended message effectively.

You may wonder whom I have Let down, but it’s not solely about specific individuals I’ve let down, although undoubtedly, I’ve disappointed many throughout my life. It’s about the internal struggle, the sensation of letting someone down, and the weight of guilt that someone might put on you. Before addressing any other matters, I want to take a moment to speak directly to my children. If there have been times when I’ve fallen short as a parent, I want you to know that I am sincerely sorry. Parenting is a journey without a roadmap, and I acknowledge that I may not have always been as present or as steadfast as I could have been.

Being a parent can be tough. But just remember that in your child’s eyes, nobody does it better than you.

In retrospect, I can assert that I’ve navigated the challenges of my upbringing to the best of my abilities. As I matured, I gained a deeper comprehension of the battles and adversities I’ve faced. Comparing myself to my parents, I discerned the stark differences in character and values. One of the most profound revelations I’ve encountered is the recognition of the differing principles between my parents and myself. While there are occasions where our paths align, our individual viewpoints and life strategies frequently diverge. This variance has occasionally resulted in tension and discord, yet it has also spurred personal development and self-reflection, empowering me to carve out a unique identity separate from familial pressures. It’s often said that one shouldn’t attribute everything to their past, and I concur. However, acknowledging the challenges I’ve faced provides insight into moments where I may not have been the ideal parent.

Promise my daughters to never let you down

As I matured and embarked on the journey of self-discovery, I encountered the challenge of defining my identity within the confines of my parents’ expectations. Their insistence on dictating the terms and beliefs through which I navigated life hindered my ability to authentically explore and understand myself. Driven by feelings of guilt and a pervasive sense of consistently falling short, I found myself caught in a cycle where nothing seemed to meet expectations. This was the part I was feeling I was letting down my parents.  I possess an understanding of alternative perspectives and lifestyles that diverge from the mainstream. For instance, I currently drive a Toyota Highlander with nearly 200,000 miles on it, having previously traded in a truck with a similar mileage. While some might feel embarrassed by such vehicles, I prioritize investing in experiences over material possessions. However, there are limits to this approach. If someone’s actions begin to adversely impact me, I refuse to remain passive. This is where my personal shortcomings come into play. I am committed to ensuring that the paths my children choose to do not detrimentally affect me in ways that I foresee they may affect themselves.

Work on Yourself  For Yourself!

As I mentioned before navigating my identity and carving out my own journey proved to be a challenging endeavor. Initially, I felt as though my parents were monitoring my path, seemingly to shield me from perceived risks. However, with time, I came to understand that their intentions were not solely for my protection. This realization marked the genesis of a growing divide between us. Empowered by this insight, I began asserting my independence and pursuing endeavors aligned with my own aspirations. I found myself subjected to swift ridicule and defamation hearing this through from friends, family, and acquaintances. It wasn’t until later in life, when confronted with similar challenges, that I realized I lacked a supportive network. Never did I have parents who would simply sit down and lend an ear rather brush it off and keep moving along. While I appreciate tough love, I also recognize the importance of being heard and finding solace in times of need – a support that was regrettably absent.

As I transitioned into fatherhood, I found myself faced with numerous decisions. It proved to be a journey of discovery, and it wasn’t until I fully immersed myself in the role of parenthood that I began to comprehend its intricacies. To me, explaining parenthood through the lens of raising three unique daughters is akin to comparing it to a sport like hockey. In this analogy, you find yourself on offense, constantly strategizing and making moves. However, each encounter presents a different set of challenges, much like facing an ever-changing defense.

Unlike my own upbringing, which seemed somewhat one-dimensional, I quickly realized that parenthood is anything but uniform. It requires a keen understanding that every situation is unique and demands attentive listening. It was crucial for me to truly listen to my daughters, as they provided invaluable insights into the challenges they were facing and the support they needed, much like a hockey player studying the defense to make informed decisions. Admittedly, it took me some time to grasp this concept fully. Yet, as I embraced the art of active listening and understanding the individual needs of each of my daughters, I found myself navigating parenthood with greater confidence and effectiveness.

With every blink, my children seem to grow older, and time passes by in a flash.

What I deeply desire for my children to grasp is my sincere regret if I have disappointed you in any way. Throughout my journey in life, I have endeavored to do my utmost. I apologize if I allowed others to sway my thoughts or influence me, and I wish I could have shielded you from their impact. Please know that every action I’ve taken was never meant to bring you harm. If I have ever caused you embarrassment, I offer my heartfelt apologies. My aim was never to burden you with my struggles, and I lacked the insight at the time to effectively navigate them.

As I approach the age of 50 (in little over a year), I find myself reflecting on the journey thus far, drawing upon its lessons to foster personal growth. They say that it’s never too late to embark on a path of self-improvement, and indeed, I have embraced this notion wholeheartedly. Recently, one of my daughters expressed her appreciation that I have worked on myself. The flood of emotions that washed over me in that moment was indescribable. While it’s heartening to know that my dedication to self-improvement is noticed and valued by my daughter, it’s also sobering to realize the circumstances that led to this point—a place where such inner work was necessary for me to undertake.

I can’t help but acknowledge the impact of external influences on my life. I recall hearing a powerful statement recently: “Don’t let the family you came from ruin the family you created.” If I’m being honest with myself, I realize that I’ve allowed such influences to affect me more than I should have. For that, I am deeply sorry.

Moving forward, I make a solemn promise to each of my daughters: I will never let you down within my sphere of control.