What is a Dad?

What is a Dad? Well, let’s first start by saying, it’s fucking awesome! There is nothing in this world that makes me happier than to see my three girls. I was told by one of my children “if you didn’t have kids, you would be rich” little do they know I am rich, the type of rich money will never buy.

How did it all start? Let me take you back to that night. Get your mind out of the gutter, it wasn’t that kind of night!  I was working late and had the chance to swing by and chat with a woman I was interested in knowing more of.

We were in the kitchen chatting and trying to be quiet not to wake the girls upstairs. After about 5 – 10 minutes of chatting, down comes the girls sneaking around the corner. I saw little fingers curl around the door frame and then her head poke around the corner. At that time, a smile came to my face and their mom asked why I was smiling.

Five minutes later one is on my lap and the other on the chair next to her mom and we’re all chatting. I will never forget when their mom looked at me and said, “are you ready for this”. To be honest at that time, I wasn’t sure if I was. Two little girls, what am I going to do, better yet how am I going to do it. Life doesn’t come with a manual which you just find the chapter and start figuring it out, like I am trying to fix the transmission on a 79 Chevy pickup.

Over time and spending time together It didn’t get any easier, I didn’t know how to handle this. Being a dad to two girls who have a father. These were questions I had to figure out, how am I going to do this? How am I going to be there and what is going to be my role in their life. Then one day it clicked, I remember it like it was yesterday, I was working, and it just hit me! After all this time I spent with them and all this time trying, that is all it was. Just providing and being there.

Looking back, I ask myself, what was it that I wasn’t sure about at that time and those “worries”I had were nothing. In life nothing is perfect and certainly nothing ever will be, but I love all the perfect imperfections of every step and every part of this journey with my children. I remember, holding them, I remember taking them out and experiencing life, showing them all aspects in life! I remember teaching them how to drive, those hours just driving around a parking lot so they could practice getting familiar with the vehicle. Taking that hour plus drive just to try a new restaurant, going into Boston for the day for Chinese New Year, taking them on their first flight. I remember taking the week on for February vacations, going to the movies and so many more.

 This is My Journey!

Then the third one came! What an amazing process this was. Seeing the older girls happy and excited to be part of this and having another sibling but there was one part of this we couldn’t control. The girls wanted a baby brother, we all know we can’t control that. Needless to say, I wasn’t able to “put the stem on it”. You go through life and there are certain parts of it you will never forget and one of those is the day we came home with the ultrasound and the sex of the baby. I was in the kitchen and kneeled down to show the girls, it was wonderful until one of them saw the last image that said [Girl] she wasn’t happy. She stormed upstairs in her room and slammed the door.

After a few minutes I went to talk to her, and asked why she was so upset, as she is going to have a little sister. She looked me dead in the eyes and told me  “I won’t be your little girl anymore”. Trying to hold it together, I told her she will always be my little girl. After this situation, the rest of the process was great, well for us probably not all of the process why wonderful for Mom :)! We had so many laughs, and funny things we did that will just live in our minds forever.

The day the third was born. We were both working, I got a call “I am on my way to the hospital, and this is happening”. I dropped everything and left. I think I went 100mph to the hospital or it felt like I was. After checking in and badged up I was led to the room. She was ready to get the show on the road. It felt like it happened in about 2 seconds. You don’t realize what is going on. I remember the look on mom’s face in relief, joy and get me the fuck out of here all at the same time. That was after the doctor said, oh look you have a red head, as mom said, are you kidding me! It was so beautiful, and I was not only a dad to two girls but now a third.

After the delivery and being transferred to a room, they bring the child in after performing the stand health checks. I’ll never forget the day I held her and looked at her. It then set in, and I can’t believe this little miracle I was holding. It was amazing and I was so proud.

The next day our close friends who were watching the older girls came to the hospital for them to see their new sister. This day I will never forget, and if I don’t mention this story, he would certainly be disappointed.

At the time they arrived at the hospital the baby was in the nursery, so we decided to take a walk over. As I was pointing out the baby to him in the nursery, the nurse pointed to my friend indicating him as the father, I quickly held my hand up, pointing at the bracelet on my wrist saying, “I AM THE FATHER”! We still laugh at that to this day!

After what felt like a lifetime staying at the hospital and sleeping on that horrible chair that pulls out to a couch, we were finally able to come home. It was truly like the movie Knocked up. I drove home like I was 80 years old. I remember bringing her in the house in her car seat and placing her on the counter, our dog was on her hind legs looking up trying to see what the hell we just brought home.

Then there are three of them. Such a great time of basketball, softball, dance, floor hockey, dance, dance competitions. Then there is the gym, driving lessons and so much more.

So, what is a dad? I don’t know, honestly as I have mentioned before life doesn’t come with a manual. As a dad I have try my best to be there. Try to be a provider, to give everything I have, to make sure they have everything they need. Give them every opportunity they would like to take.

I hope a good, nurturing dad, an affectionate dad, a committed dad to their dreams, a loving and kind dad, one who listens, one who they can come to no matter what. I hope a strong dad. I will tell you this, no one in this world can love a girl more than her father will and I hope my girls know that.

Now that they are older it is tough, being divorced and wanting to be a big part of their life is so hard. There are times, you look at every action made and think, what did I do wrong, what could I have done better? I don’t aloow that to get to me any longer. Now I just enjoy every text, every call and every minute I am able to spend with them.

My memories of my girls are the most important things I will always have. The pictures I have, the memories I have and the truth and fact of my convictions of being a dad is what is important to me.

To my girls, you will always be my little girls and I will always be your biggest supporter and fan!

With All My Love!

Dad